Fantasy Art

Fantasy Art
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Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Hold that Snake!


Ned to self:

"Oh no I'm not afraid of snakes" he says...

"Don't you worry you pretty head, little lady" he says...

"I'll be right over to save you from your little snake problem" he says...

...Dammit Ned!


I love my baby like a bull dog loves his bone
Last night she got crazy, called me up on the phone
Said, "Come on over, daddy
'Cause I hates drinkin' alone"

Said, "I had me a little and I had to have a little more
Try to get up, could not get out the door
And there's a big ole snake
That's crawlin' right across the floor"

My baby's not afraid to take a chance
Drinkin' whiskey starts her thinkin' about romance
That's when she wants what I keep in my pants

I know she's got a few tricks up her sleeve
When she gets hot it's not hard to believe
So I told my baby
Just what Adam said to Eve

Hold that snake 'til I make it
Hold on 'til your daddy gets there
Just grab his head and shake it

Tell him be ain't goin' nowhere
Take it easy but take it
But don't let go of that snake
'Til I make it

Ry Cooder

Friday, June 2, 2017

Ned the Barbarian vs Midlife Crisis

Usually when people accuse me of posing for my own art it's a flattering accusation, but I decided to go right ahead and pose for this one and not flatter myself at all.  The flat bottom, sagging gut and balding head is all me.  I call it "Ned the Barbarian vs. The Midlife Crisis."  Surprisingly it's been one of my least popular drawings.  


Monday, May 29, 2017

Trick or Treat?

   I first saw them on Halloween night. Couldn't a picked a better time. Somewhere they'd gotten hold of a couple trick-or-treat bags and had also gotten hold of the idea a what to do with 'em. After all there was lots of weird critters walking up to people's doors and getting treats.
   There they were on my front porch, three sets of big brown eyes staring up at me and I weren't never a big kid. "Shicky Shee?" the tallest one said almost in a whisper, hooves tapping nervously on the floor like they was ready to run on the instant.
   They'd been doing pretty well so far, their bags were nearly full, and why not, they had the best "costumes" of the night.
   I scooped out two big double handfuls of candy from the bowl and their eyes got even wider. "Hey Now!" says I as they started to walk away. "Say thank you." They gave me a nervous quizzical look. "Thank You" I repeated. "shen koo" the tall one whispered, and off they ran. 

   They were back the next day. I heard the neighbor lady yelling at them "It's not Halloween, you kids get off my porch!" This had probably been happening a lot they looked more nervous than before, in fact they were down right jittery. 
   "Oh lowrd, did you guys eat All that candy already?!" I ran inside and loaded a platter of fruits and nuts and brought it out to the porch then sat down on the floor and invited them to eat. They set to voraciously and the jitters subsided. Pretty soon the smallest one was in my lap pulling on my hair. 
   They'd lost their trust of everyone else which is probably for the best but continued to come see me from time to time. Of course they knew how to feed themselves in the wild, it was the candy they were coming back for but I kept that to a minimum. Still they always said "shen koo."

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Grabapple Trees

Somewheres there's a kind of mantis bug what looks like a pertty flower and then grabs bees what comes near it. The Venus Fly Trap lures critters with a scent and then snaps shut on 'em like a miniature bear trap.
In round my hometown there was the Grabapple tree. At night they crawl about like a 'noctopus on their root-like legs and plant 'emselves in the yard of some home what never had an apple tree before. It took a right sucker to fall for that one, but then the world's full a suckers aint it?
Little Timmy Wilkinson disappeared one day after telling his mom he was gonna go pick apples on Henderson's Corner. The neighborhood got all up in a hurly-burly and even called the police who went door to door and looked sternly at any strangers an' suspicious looking individuals.
No one would listen to me when I told 'em there weren't no apple trees on Henderson's Corner. There wasn't neither I checked, but it'd already slithered down the bank into Bosky Creek where I'd seen it before. So I took a gas can and a book of matches down to the creek and standing up on the bank I sloshed gasoline on the grabapple and said "Let 'im go!"
I never knew if it understood me or if the gas made it sick, but either way it gives me a resentful look and spits up ol' Timmy like a hairball all covered in sticky goo. Folks said later he was "found in a tree" which is true enough I suppose. Timmy grew up fine, but couldn't never stand the thought of apples after that.


Thursday, May 4, 2017

Oh Deer!

I spent a goodly bit of my youth hiking in the woods and hills around Prescott where I grew up. Most times it was just peaceful if a bit lonesome. Some days you'd meet other folks or see some wildlife or other.
One day I heard flute music playing in the distance which was peculiar. I crept up to peek between the branches and see who was playing. And there she was, delicate as a flower, sitting alone in the tall grass naked as far as I could see.
I couldn't resist taking a step closer for a better look when a twig snapped beneath my boot.
Up she jumps on four hoofed feet an' bounds away among the pines. As I watched her hinde end bouncing among the boles I tell you I could not have been more shocked. You never see them this far south in the Spring.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Easter!

Whatever that looks like to you.
To me it looks like chocolate.

Here's a mural I once painted for a church.  My heathenism didn't trouble them at all so long as I could do the job.  It was based on photos of what some people believe to be "The Tomb".  It certainly is A tomb from the right time period so that makes it a good reference either way.


Some pen and ink work that I used for bookmarks.  I sold them very well at Comic Con to all the moms and sisters who had no interest in comics but were tagging along for the trip.

A few years ago I found myself in possession of a pile of scrap wood and some free time so I made some Easter yard art.  People said they were cute, but looking back I find them kind of creepy looking.  Which is a little funny considering all the other stuff I draw.



Thursday, April 13, 2017

Queen of the Apes

I was inspired by some other fantasy painting of a barbarian queen on a throne with henchmen all around her so I based this picture on that.  It's charcoal on Bristol board which was an interesting departure and not entirely a good idea.   I did it because I was losing confidence in the job I was doing with pen and ink.  I hadn't really done professional illustration in years especially not inking.  It was hard to keep the darks looking really dark because the charcoal wouldn't sink in to the surface.  I think I also used some white paint to pull up the highlights in the end.  Ultimately I wish I'd just used some of my wooden panes and painted the whole project in black and white paint since I'm comfortable with paint and not with pen and ink.